I have shared many of your struggles, but am surprised that you are now an agnostic. I have had times in my life when I have not known that the church was true, but after two years as a missionary, I came to know that God existed and to discover that he answers prayers. I imagine that you knew that at one point as well, but have lost faith that what you experienced was “real”. Let me tell you from someone who has experienced serious transgression and life from the “other” side that we do indeed have a body AND a spirit within us. We can feed ourselves darkness or light. You’ve felt the fruit of that light, which is why you choose to keep your “morals” intact as you say. I wish you all the best with your life, your family, and your happiness.